Someone Should Teach You Some Manners
by timelording
Summary: Alison finds herself being hit on by a total creep at a bar, cue badass cop Beth stepping in and pretending to be Alison's girlfriend to save her. (AU)
1. Chapter 1

You're not sure how you ended up in a bar, but you're pretty sure you know that the terrible date you just went on is the reason _why_ you ended up in a bar. His name was Donnie, and you decide to order yourself another drink, because you can still remember his name.

You're standing at the bar waiting for the bartender to get you your strawberry daiquiri, when a man suddenly appears next to you, startlingly close.

"Hey," he says, a smug grin on his face. You smile politely and return your attention to the infuriatingly busy bartender.

"I'm Chad," he continues, and he moves closer to you. You're instantly uncomfortable and you take a tiny step back.

"How're you doing tonight?" he asks, leaning in a bit too far. You look over at him just in time to see his gaze drop to your chest, and you're now both uncomfortable and angry.

"Fine," you say, your voice cold. His eyes find yours again, smug grin still on his face. You want to smack it off of him.

"Aw, come on, don't I get a little more than that?" he says (whines, really), and somehow manages to get even closer to you. You try to move, but there's a person on the barstool next to you, and you're trapped.

"No," you deadpan, and turn back to get the bartender's attention.

"Aw come on, sweetheart." And suddenly his hand is on your ass and you're slapping it away, blood boiling in your veins, and you're turning around to maybe slap him (maybe strangle him), but there's suddenly a woman standing there, grinning at you happily.

"Hey, babe!" she says, and for a moment you think it was _her _hand that you felt on your ass, until you realise that she's _saving_ your ass instead.

"Is this guy bothering you, darling?" she asks, and gestures to Chad standing behind her.

Your mouth opens, but no words come out. The woman winks at you and then turns to face Chad.

"You messing with my girlfriend?" she asks him, and Chad smirks.

"If I say no, will you let me watch?" he asks.

The woman laughs and reaches to take something out of her coat pocket. "If I say I'm a cop and I'll arrest you for harassment, will you leave?"

Chad's smirk turns quickly into a scowl, and you can tell he's trying to decide if it's worth it.

"Whatever," he finally mutters, and disappears into the crowd.

The woman turns back to face you and you catch just a glimpse of a police badge before it's back in her pocket.

"I'm Beth," she says with a smile. "And you looked like you need some saving."

You smile weakly. "Thank you," you say. "I'm Alison."

"Nice to meet you Alison. Although I wish it could have been on better terms." She grins at you and you laugh loudly, surprising yourself.

"What are you drinking?" she points at your empty glass.

"Oh, uh, strawberry daiquiri."

She raises a hand to flag the bartender and he suddenly appears.

"Strawberry daiquiri and a scotch. Put 'em both on my tab," she says, and the bartender nods and disappears to make the drinks.

You look at her in disbelief. "How did you-?"

She leans against the bar with a crooked smile. "Hm?"

"I've been trying to get his attention for twenty minutes!" you huff.

Beth laughs. "He's a friend, so, I never get ignored."

As she speaks, the bartender sets the drinks down next to her elbow. "Thanks, Felix!" she calls out as he rushes off to fix more drinks.

"That's definitely cheating," you say.

"Not cheating," she says, handing you your drink. "Just using my advantages where I see fit. Like buying a pretty girl a drink after she's been harassed by a total creep."

You feel your cheeks get red when she calls you a "pretty girl", but you smile anyway.

"Do you want to find somewhere quieter to sit?" you say over the thumping music (which you and Beth have sort of been yelling over the entire time). Beth smiles a crooked smile again and says, "I thought you'd never ask."

So you find yourself, ten minutes later, on a couch in an upstairs lounge, telling Beth all about the terrible date you just had with what's-his-name (Donnie?).

Half an hour later, you're ordering your third drink since you met Beth (sixth drink of the night), and she's on her third scotch, and she's smiling at you, face slightly pink and long brown hair slightly messy, and you suddenly realise that maybe the reason all your boyfriends sucked and why your date with what's-his-name went so horribly is because- you're _gay_.

The realization hits you like a ton of bricks and suddenly you're laughing, the alcohol in your system making you slightly hysterical. Beth looks slightly terrified and confused, and you try to clarify that everything's fine, you're just _gay_, but all you manage to say is "gay!" through your laughter. Thankfully, for some reason, this makes Beth laugh, and then you're both leaning into each other, drunk and hysterical.

The two of you sober up (in a manner of speaking) and then you suddenly realise that you're sitting a lot closer to her than you were two minutes ago, and in your intoxicated state, you decide that kissing Beth would be the best thing to do.

So you kiss her.

She responds immediately, one hand on your hip, one hand in your meticulously straightened hair, and you kiss her harder, because you want her _everywhere_, and then she breaks the kiss.

You whine out a tiny little noise in complaint and open your eyes to see her grinning her crooked smile at you.

"I don't want to sound too presumptuous, but… would I be right in asking if you'd wanna take this to my place?"

You laugh and bite your lip, a little embarrassed at being so eager, but nod anyway.

"_Awesome_," she says and stands up. She offers you a hand and you take it, letting her pull you to your feet.

"Thank god for Chad," she murmurs as she leans in for another kiss.

You laugh, and let her take you home.


	2. Keep A Close Watch

You wake up in a bed that isn't yours to the smell of coffee, and you panic for a moment before you remember that you went home with Beth.

And then, when you remember that you went home with _Beth_ (a woman?), you start to panic again.

You sit up quickly, holding the bed sheet up to your terrifyingly naked body, thinking quickly to try and calm yourself down. "What is it that Cosima always says? Sexuality is a… a spectrum?" you whisper to yourself. You take a deep breath and decide that you are _not_ going to freak out about this.

You stand up, still clinging the sheet to your body, and take a look at the empty room around you. There's a dressed, a bedside table, and a chest at the end of the grey-sheeted bed. You notice that there aren't any pictures anywhere- not of friend, or family; nothing.

You look around the room in search of your underwear, full of embarrassment, because this is the first time you've ever lost your _underwear_ in someone else's house.

You finally locate them, and you find your shirt from yesterday as well, pulling it on and buttoning it up. You search for your pants, but eventually give them up as a lost cause and tentatively make your way to the bedroom door that's cracked slightly open.

You take another deep breath and pull the door open a little more. You self-consciously pull down the blouse a little more (it strangely hangs down a little longer than you remember, falling a little less than halfway down your thighs) and peek your head around the doorway.

You're greeted by the sight of Beth in a sweatshirt and sweatpants, pouring a cup of coffee with her back to you. Her hair is wild and unruly as it falls on her shoulders and you realise you're wildly attracted to her like this, so you clear your throat lightly to get her attention.

"Morning!" she says cheerily, finishing pouring her cup of coffee before she turns around. "I was wondering when you'd be up. Coffee?" She lifts up her mug as she asks.

You nod. "Please," you say as you step out fully into the kitchen, pulling self-consciously on the end of your shirt again.

Beth's smile widens exponentially as you emerge from behind the door, and she turns to reach for another mug with a low laugh.

You look down at yourself. "What?" you ask nervously.

She answers as she pours your coffee. "You're wearing my shirt."

You look down again and realise that you are in fact wearing her shirt (no wonder it didn't fit), and your face flushes red. "Oh, my god, I'm- I'm so sorry-" you stutter out.

She turns around with a warm smile. "It's fine," she says as she walks around the island in the middle of the kitchen to hand you the mug of coffee. "It's kind of adorable," she finishes, and you're sure that if you weren't already bright pink, you'd have blushed at her words.

She hands you the coffee. "Sugar is on the table." She turns and goes to the fridge, and you take a hesitant seat at the table. "Do you take milk in your coffee?"

"Um, yes," you say as you drop a few spoonfuls of sugar into your coffee.

As she sits down and hands you the carton of milk, you realise that, past the initial anxiety, you feel _comfortable_ here with her. You've never had a one night stand, but you're pretty sure that this is not generally how the "morning after" usually goes. And you're fine with that.

You take a sip of your coffee, feeling it slide wonderfully down your throat, it's warmth soothing any residual hoarseness.

"Um," you say, trying to form your current feelings into words.

Beth looks at you expectantly and runs her fingers through her hair once.

"I've never… um, done this before," you say, eyes locking with hers.

"That's fine," she replies softly.

"I've also… um, never done this before with… a woman," you say hesitantly.

"That's also fine," she says, smiling at you with such warmth you feel like you might melt.

"Okay," you say, letting out a deep breath you didn't know you were holding. "Okay."

She cocks her head. "Okay," she repeats, and takes a sip of her coffee. You follow suit, smiling happily, full of a sense of relief.

You and Beth finish your coffee in a comfortable silence, and then you say something else that's been pressing on your mind.

"So… what exactly are… we?" you ask, heart beating wildly.

Beth smiles a crooked smile. "We can be whatever you're comfortable with."

You feel your cheeks heat up a bit and you bite your lip, casting your eyes down to your empty coffee mug. "Good," you say with a nod.

"Now I don't know about you," she exclaims, standing up to stretch. "But I desperately need a shower." She grins mischievously. "Care to join me?"

You almost shake your head, the word "no" on your lips.

But then you realise that you _absolutely_ want to join her, and so you stand up and take her hand, laughing as she pulls you to the shower.

_-two years later-_

"Beth!" you call out from the living room. "Hurry up! We're going to be late!" You reach up and pull on your ponytail nervously.

"Alright, alright, Ali, I'm coming!" Her voice echoes from the bedroom, and then she emerges, hopping through the kitchen as she tries to pull her second shoe onto her foot. "The wedding planner can wait two freakin' seconds. I mean, _we're_ the ones paying her, why are we always rushing to meet her-"

"_Beth_," you huff exasperatedly, reaching out to fix the collar on her shirt as she reaches you, shoe finally on her foot.

She grins her crooked smile at you. "How do I look?" she asks.

You do a once over of her outfit, grey slacks and a light blue pullover on top of a white collared shirt. You smile. "Stunning. As always."

She winks at you. "Back at you, babe."

You roll your eyes at her and pick your purse up from the couch. "Ready?" you ask.

"You bet," she says. "Now let's go, before pro-bitch loses her head."

"_Language_, Elizabeth," you huff again. "And her name is Rachel," you clarify.

"I know," Beth says as she locks the front door behind her. "I just like it when you call me Elizabeth when I say a swear word," she finishes with a grin.

You shake your head with a laugh. "You are utterly absurd," you say as you unlock the car.

"But you love me for it," Beth says, winking flirtatiously at you over the hood of the car.

"Yes, yes, I do, now get in the car so we can go finish planning our wedding."


End file.
